This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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