There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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