You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
