It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Congratulations! We have a period
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