I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
