If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize