I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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