Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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