Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
