Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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