just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Vodka?
Forever.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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