my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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