took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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