from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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