FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
