I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
