It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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