the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
