covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
