know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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