Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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