I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
