A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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