I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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