Pregnant stripper...not hot.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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