I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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