Swine flu. Run for my life!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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