Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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