Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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