i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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