Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i came on her dog
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
