This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
