I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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