I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
