I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
