He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
