I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
