I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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