he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
