new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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