I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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