there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
