he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
