remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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