Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
