I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
