my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
