Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
