well most of my day revolves around power hour
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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