I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
