I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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