Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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