I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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