i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
