At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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