So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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