when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
