i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
