Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
