Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i think im in europe. pls send help
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
