i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
