I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
