I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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