Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My feet surprised me
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