Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
