just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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