their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
