I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
