my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
