there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
