She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
