Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
