so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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